Your belly usually hides your big hips.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "icky".
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can kill your own food.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.